The economy is so bad this year some folks are actually hoping to find a lump of coal in their Christmas stocking. They’ll need it for heating fuel.

And it no longer matters if you’ve been naughty or you’ve been nice. Just cry and roll around on the floor until you get your way. It worked for Wall Street just like it did your baby brother.

Who knows? Maybe mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and kids who aren’t even born yet, might chip in and put $700 billion in your Christmas stocking too. But don’t count on it.

Wall Street will have a Merry Christmas while the rest of us get to play Bob Cratchit.

Really, anyone without a bailout plan is going to having a rough Christmas. News reports abound that say we’re cutting back on expensive toys and gadgets this year. We’re opting for simpler toys from simpler times such as Lincoln Logs, Tinkertoys and Bozo Bop Bags. Check out the Web site backtobasictoys.com if you don’t believe me.

But I prefer you first check out the “The Alonzo Weston Catalog of Entirely Fictitious St. Joseph Toys.” Not only are these toys tried and true classics but they’re cheap and made locally. The play factor also is high as you’ll get enjoyment out of them year after year.

Again, these wonderful gift suggestions come with a disclaimer. They’re entirely fictional. They’re for laughs, not lawsuits, for fun and not fighting. So ease up, laugh a little and happy shopping:

VINCE CAPELL ONLINE DISGUISE KIT: Amaze your friends and the public with this wonderful disguise kit. Comes with phony mustache and glasses.

KAY BARNES ROCKBAND MUSIC VIDEO GAME: You’ve seen the ads, now you too can perform in a virtual band with up to four San Francisco players. Comes with disco outfits and downloadable songs by Madonna and the Village People.

SAM GRAVES MODEL AIRPLANE KIT: A Northwest Missouri favorite. Build a model airplane just like your friendly Missouri congressman. All parts not included.

EAST HILLS LEGO: Build a fancy box with nothing in it by using colorful TIF funding blocks.

ONLINE GONE WILD: NoBama and yo’ mama! You’ve read the nasty comments, now watch the video. Mud wrestling! Dirt slinging! Lots of crude, uninhibited fun for everyone. Rated IM for immature audiences.

TRIUMPH FOODS CHUTES AND LADDERS GAME: Push those hogs in the chutes as you climb your way up the blood-stained corporate ladder. Includes game board, hog Taser and four pawns with plastic knives. Instructions in both English and Spanish.

MIDTOWN WEED AND SEED OPERATION: Forget the tweezers, use your Taser! Is there enough Weed and Seed funding to “operate” on crime in Midtown? Red flashing lights means your operation was a success.

TAX INCREMENT FUNDING SCRABBLE: Using only seven letters and TIF funding, see if you can spell Shoppes at North Village or Ag Expo Center.

Alonzo Weston can be reached at alonzow@npgco.com.