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The man, the myth, the Bag-Head
by Alonzo Weston
Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Still exhausted from a great Coleman Hawkins Jazz Festival, I wasn’t in much of a mood for conversation Monday morning. But as I wearily stepped out of my car in the News-Press parking lot, I heard a familiar voice coming from the direction of Coleman Hawkins Park.

“Hey Weston, hey brother man, let me holla at you for a minute.”

It was Bag-Head Jheri, the Messanie Street philosopher. All 300 pounds of him, with a trash bag full of aluminum cans clinging and clanging at his side, rushed toward me. He wore a blue T-shirt with the words “Funkaholic: Drunk on Da Funk” on it.

“What is it, Bag?” I asked impatiently.

“You betta recognize ’fore I start throwin’ some bos up in here,” Bag warned. “I just wanted to give ya’ll some dap for getting a statute of Coleman Hawkins put up. It’s the bomb, baby!”

“Thanks Bag,” I answered politely. “It took the work and money of Bob Simpson, the Coleman Hawkins Jazz Society, St. Joseph News-Press, Heartland Health and a whole lot of other good people.”

“Now all those sell-outs can come out of the closet,” Bag said. “Now’s a good time to be black, ‘openly black,’ to borrow a term from the late, great George Carlin. I don’t care what Jesse Jackson ’nem say, we got a black presidential candidate and a statute of a black man in St. Joe.”

“Yeah, it shows progress, doesn’t it? These are good times,” I said agreeably.

“Like whoa. What planet you on, brother? I ain’t saying these are good times, I’m saying it’s a good time to be black,” Bag said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You all big on this affirmative action. Well, this is affirmative action at work, brutha. With this here economy, black folks and white folks, either one ain’t got nothing. You feelin’ me?” Bag said.

“Wait a minute. I never said I was for quotas and other outdated forms of affirmative action,” I answered defensively. “When I wrote about affirmative action, I basically said that we still need a system that helps ensure equal opportunity and that whites historically have had a head start.”

“Well it’s equal inopportunity for all now, brutha. Times ain’t good for nobod-ee. Don’t you read your own newspaper?” Bag asked smart-alecky.

“Why, yeah, but ... but ...,” I stammered.

“Then you know gas prices, a bad housing market and job losses done turned everything and everybody straight ghetto,” Bag said. “Ghetto po’ folks are like white collar professionals in this environment. Everybody else is just trying to get used to eatin’ lunch meat and drinking red Kool-Aid.”

“Yeah I suppose you’re right, Bag,” I said, not wanting to argue.

“Why things done got so bad, the gas man come right up and took my stimulus check right outta the mailman’s hand,” Bag said. “All that did was stimulate me to smack the taste outta his mouth.”

“Now Bag, violence isn’t the answer,” I reasoned.

“You Martin Luther King now?” Bag said.

“No, but violence is never the answer. We have to fight by voting and standing up for our rights,” I said.

“On the real tip tho, every cloud has a silver lining,” Bag said. “These hard times might bring people back to living within their means again. Folks be carpooling, not driving those big SUVs and wasting less stuff now. This ghetto style living just might get us back on track with money in the bank.”

“You left out recycling ” I added.

“Wait a minute now. I gots to put my mack hand down on that,” Bag said. “Shoot that idea to the curb. Recycling aluminum cans is my bizness.”

Alonzo Weston can be reached at alonzow@npgco.com.

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ProWrench July 10, 2008 at 4:25 a.m. (Suggest removal)

I'm so glad we have this lovely new statue, it's sooo useful. I mean it's a much wiser use of our tax dollars than repairing the streets or adding some curb cuts and wheelchair ramps or even repairing some of the dangerous sidewalks in town.

Our local government is a joke, this town needs an enema. What could you be thinking? Are you all so blind that you can't see these problems? Drive your Volvo, Saab or whatever yuppie wagon you own anywhere but the east side of town where you rich folks live and you will need a front end alignment. Or better yet get out and walk along a downtown sidewalk like 8th & Francis or anywhere that's not around the court house or city hall area and then tell me what a wise purchase that stupid statue was.
I love art and culture, but get your priorities in order. Statues & such are finishing touches so to speak, not priorities. Sidewalks, sewers and streets should come first, not pet projects.

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HenryAllison July 10, 2008 at 6:52 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Hey Wingnut,

Your screed would make a little more sense if tax dollars were used for the statue. None were. Instead a bunch of downtown cigar-smoking, Cadillac-driving good ole boys put the touch on some of their big-business friends for the funds. Where I come from that is called Community Involvement. It is to be commended.

Granted, if I was looking for a tax deduction I probably would find something besides a statue, but to each fatcat his own.

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rush620 July 10, 2008 at 7:15 a.m. (Suggest removal)

ProWrench - it is true, no tax dollars were used for the statue. These posters can be brutal, so just remember, you need to be up on your facts before you post. Welcome to the forum!

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biggieroth July 10, 2008 at 8:37 a.m. (Suggest removal)

ProWrench...it helps to read the article first.

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Mr_America July 10, 2008 at 9:09 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Since when have people needed to be aware of the facts before they post? ;)

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wickedtruth July 10, 2008 at 9:27 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Some people "read" the article but don't actually absorb the info within. :D

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apmastrangelo July 10, 2008 at 10:53 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Not exactly certain what is worse - Failing to get the facts straight or the condescending remarks by an individual proud of promoting community involvement.
Where I come from embracing community involvement also encompasses being respectful of others and is equally important even when pointing out that they are wrong.

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HenryAllison July 10, 2008 at 11:43 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Well apmastrangelo that is an interesting point of view. Completely wrong, of course, but interesting. I certainly don’t see “suffering fools lightly” as a part of community involvement unless, I guess, you are content to live in a city of fools. I feel like my part of advancing the community is identifying lunacy when I see it. Foolishness is my business, and in Saint Joseph, business is good!!

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apmastrangelo July 10, 2008 at 12:48 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Henry - Cities generally spawn a population more closely associated to the environment created by its civic leadership, and yes, even the business community than most like to admit. If you are inferring that anyone not willing to accept your rude and frankly inappropriate statements are the problem, I contend you are the one wrong on this matter and grossly out of touch with common decency. A point further illustrated from the opinion you expressed of your "business".
There are many types of fools and one thing I have observed is that they are often found to cross every segment of the economic and social ladder.

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heritage July 10, 2008 at 1:33 p.m. (Suggest removal)

apm///// that one is a lost cause. sadly, division is the coin of the realm for some people here. wait.....soon he will start using latin phrases without apparently knowing what their translation is.

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apmastrangelo July 10, 2008 at 2:56 p.m. (Suggest removal)

heritage - Perhaps, but it is best for all to know statements such as those made will not be left unaddressed.
Never been caught by surprise over a Latin phrases as yet either. SYS!

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deb2007 July 10, 2008 at 3:13 p.m. (Suggest removal)

prowrench may have been wrong regarding the statue, however he is correct in stating our government both city and county need an enema.

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HenryAllison July 10, 2008 at 4:14 p.m. (Suggest removal)

On the contrary dear Sarah. My Latin is impeccable. One of the penalties of a classic education as opposed to the diploma mills we see today. As it was put to me, and as I’ve mentioned before, dead languages build character.

Furthermore I never meant to imply fighting ignorance was easy. Not in the least, and to be perfectly candid, it is taking a lot longer than I imaged when I started. Nevertheless around here it is a growth industry and I am constantly amazed at variety of foolishness I see.

You see, unlike Anthony [may I call you Tony?] I believe society gets the civic leadership and business community it deserves. Leadership is rare in the business community and nonexistent in our local politics. No better example exists on the planet than our current mayor, The Fraud of City Hall hisownself. Our business community is a reflection of us. You may not like what you see out there on the Belt Hwy, but that is what we are. No successful business has ever opened that did not already have a consumer base. No business ever went broke underestimating the ignorance of its market potential. No cause is too stupid to go without a champion.

As a result I believe the fight against ignorance and idiocy begins with the individual. At the grass-roots level so to speak. Raise the collective sanity and the masses will once again value home-grown eateries over the institutionalized feedlots on the North Belt. Convince the wingnuts you don’t have to accept the lowest common denominator running for office and we’ll get a better government. Draw down on raving lunatics, in a forceful manner if necessary, so you don’t have to deal with the dozens that will believe whatever they read in a forum on a website because, if it is on a website on the Internet, IT MUST BE TRUE!

Geeze, this stuff seems so obvious to me.

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heritage July 10, 2008 at 4:25 p.m. (Suggest removal)

you know "henry" you take such pleasure in "outing" us and making sure you let everyone know how omnipotent you are. for the record i am sarah hochschwender. who are you.

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azmaggie July 10, 2008 at 6:05 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Henry: You sound like an educated idiot! You are so far above the people in St Joseph you should go build your own city and name it after you. I happen to know there are many good people in St Joseph!

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apmastrangelo July 10, 2008 at 7:07 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Henry - This may come as a surprise to you but I do have a low tolerance for the true incompetent. Where we clearly differ over this relates to the issue of common respect. I will match an approach of open dialog and debate in attempting to educate someone on an issue versus ridicule any day of the week.
I would also go so far as to agree with your comments on why communities and the government in general end up with the type of leadership that it does. To this end, however, you should also reflect on what caused the electorate to become so discontent that they would remove incumbents having such high opinions of their abilities in the first place.

Your comments on business and its view of the consumer is part truth and part myth. Any successful corporation spends untold dollars trying to figure out what will please their customer. In fact they do such a good job of it the consumer overlooks what is most important in what they are buying. That is but one reason why I will not set foot in Wal-Mart.

Lastly, the answer to your question is no. As you might note from my sign-in, I have no problem in making my position or identity known. In the electronic age of today the illusion of anonymity is often just that, be it this site or any other.

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heritage July 10, 2008 at 9:02 p.m. (Suggest removal)

hahahaha..... hey "whats your name?" maybe you better make that MISTER mastrangelo. good one, and high five!!!!!!!!!

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apmastrangelo July 11, 2008 at 10:44 a.m. (Suggest removal)

heritage - bty

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HenryAllison July 14, 2008 at 9:36 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Sorry for the pause. I had to make a quick appearance in the District. The Joint Chiefs needed a little help.

Mags, I can only say the notion of my own city [I can’t decide if I like Henryville or Allisontown better] is very appealing but probably would not pass Constitutional muster. This weekend I spoke with a young gentleman who clerks at the SCOTUS and he assured me the justices would be just as disinclined now as they were in 1861 when our Southern brothers attempted such a thing. He also reminded me of the dim view the courts took towards the “Freedmen’s movement” in the later 1990s. Of course, those jackoffs were tax dodgers, not patriots, although I strongly suspect the briefs would read the same. Furthermore, try as I may, I cannot restrain myself from pointing out that nowhere at no time did I ever suggest there were no good people living in Saint Joseph. I’m sure you know several. I, myself, know any number. Their luminosity is only made sadder by the inky morass of ignorance plagued upon their houses. Saint Joseph is chest-deep in dumb people, and if you live here, there is no escape.

I am, however, relieved that MISTER mastrangelo and I seem to agree on far more than we disagree. It seems we agree, in principle at least, that communities get the government and business environment that deserve and it usually reflects the lowest common denominator. Majority rule works okay in a community of highly evolved, rational and reasonable people, but not so well with a town full of dolts. It appears our major difference centers on how we wish to treat the vast number of dumb people that inhabit our fair city. I admire MISTER mastrangelo’s willingness to apply patience and education to the foolish [I’m pretty sure he includes yours truly in that number] whereas my first impulse is to beat then over the head with their own ignorance. Indeed, I greatly admire his advanced attitude, but I am also reminded of one of my Father’s pithy sayings. Never try to teach a pig to sing; it is a waste of your time, and pisses off the pig. The only thing I can think of that could be worse than a dumb@#* in the grocery line ahead of me is a pissed off dumb@#* in the grocery line ahead of me.

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azmaggie July 14, 2008 at 10:25 a.m. (Suggest removal)

I am just amazed at the pedestal you have yourself on that everyone is dumb!! I guess I would rather be one of the dumb ones than to have to stare down my nose at everyone else. I respect ALL people and cannot understand why you think you are so much smarter then everyone else. Education is great but life experiences are a much better teacher because they teach humility which you cannot learn in a class room!!

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apmastrangelo July 14, 2008 at 3:03 p.m. (Suggest removal)

azmaggie - I could not have stated it better!
When individuals, like HenryAllison, think they are insulated through anonymity their real nature comes out. The true intellects of society are generally among the most considerate and respectful people you will every meet. The reason for this is that they do not need to blame or find fault with everyone else in-order to justify why areas of their own association are failing so miserably.
One last thought for the editor; I enjoy a well heated debate over the issues better than most, but I am surprised to see this site allowing the crude, and inappropriate comments as seen in the 14July 0936 posting.

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ProWrench March 24, 2009 at 3:57 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Actually I'm not wrong and if any of you actually believe tax dollars were not spent of that piece of garbage and money passed under the table you have no idea how government really works. City, State or Federal they are all crooks with their hand out. Just look at the method Osama Obama is using to grease the palms of those that contributed to his campaign.
Or do you actually believe that its just another coincidence that the people that contributed are getting the so called "bail out".

Rather than cruise these forums supporting fraud like many do I actually have a life, I never knew so many just dont get it.

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