No! No! No! No!

That's one for each of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If you haven't heard, the Mirage Group is moving forward with a live-action film focusing on the origins of the pizza-loving, shelled crime fighters. It is targeted for release in 2011.

I just have one question. Why?

I loved Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello and (the questionably stoned) Michelangelo when I was a kid, but even I knew those live-action movies were terrible. Those three films pretty much eradicated the TMNT fanbase. Not to mention that pea-green leather skin really creeped me out. The Turtles became popular with their cartoon show and video games. That's where they should stay.

This is for the Mirage Group and the rest of Hollywood. Here is a list of TV cartoons that should never make it to live-action.

"Sponge Bob Square Pants" - Kids would be horrified as the live-action version of Patrick would look like a pink version of the creature in this photo.

"The Simpsons" - Their animated big screen feature was bad enough.

"Hey Arnold" - Live-action would not allow the characters to have oddly-shaped heads. Here is a real-life photo of Arnold and his gang.

"Rugrats" - It has already been done. See "Baby's Day Out."

"Darkwing Duck" - It has already been done. See "Howard the Duck."

"School House Rock" - After months of subcommittee debate, Bill is finally attached to a much bigger bill and sent to the House of Representatives for a vote. When it reaches the Senate, Strom Thurmond performs a 21-hour filibuster before dying of oxygen failure. The vote is moved to another day. Finally, Bill passes. When he reaches the White House, President Obama looks at Bill with a glimmer of hope in his eye. Then Obama strikes Bill with a veto stamp. Bill dies in a paper shredder. The film ends with Senator Larry Craig asking for sex in a bathroom. See kids, Washington can be fun!

"G.I. Joe" - What? In August? Dang it!

"Looney Tunes" - Wile E. Coyote catches the Road Runner and eats him. Porky Pig becomes a ham for Yosemite Sam. Elmer Fudd shoots both Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck as they are unusually large for their species and thus very slow. And this all becomes irrelevant when Marvin the Martian destroys the world with an "Earth-shattering kaboom!" The movie ends in five minutes.

One more note: Check out St. Joe Live's Huge 2009 Summer Movie Preview on Monday, April 27. It will feature photos, descriptions and links to 25 of the summer's biggest films (including "G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra"). You can find it at stjoelive.com.