Recently it seems that I've been seeing a lot of articles online all with the same general theme: "How to rock that first date," "Make your first date unforgettable," and "The exact thing to say to make him fall in love with you."

OK, so the last one is a bit extreme, but again, all of these articles seem to have the same underlying theme: that there is a secret or a trick that can make your first date completely magical. And if you don't do this, well, you might be left wondering if the guy who never called you again really was your soulmate and you totally blew it.

And yes, there are certain things you want to do to make sure the first date goes well. You want to make sure you look nice, you want to show up on time, you want to ask plenty of questions and be prepared with funny, interesting stories of your own. But guess what? Doing all of that doesn't mean the first date will be magical, or even go well.

That's the utterly frustrating thing about dating: essentially, it's out of your hands. When it comes to first dates, there is really only one thing that can make it magical or miserable and that is chemistry. And with chemistry, you either have it with someone or you don't.

Again, I'm not saying you can show up on a date and not try and then just blame it on lack of chemistry when things go nowhere. But sometimes, most times, you can do everything right and still nothing happens.

I've had dates where the guys were perfectly nice, smart, attractive and I've felt nothing. Things that seem like they would be easy conversation starters die out after a few sentences. The awkward pauses far outnumber the amount of time you spend talking, and you're counting the seconds until you can leave (and heaven forbid the service is slow and your meal takes 30 minutes longer than it should).

And I've gone on dates where things were awkward and conversation was slow to start, but I still left wanting to see that person again because there was something there. And if you meet someone that you have chemistry with and you can talk to easily from the beginning, well that just makes for the best first date ever.

So the next time you're worried about a first date, relax a little bit. Go and try your best, but remember that it's essentially out of your hands. If the spark isn't there, it isn't there. You just can't fake good chemistry.