They say timing is everything, and I don’t think that’s any truer than when it comes to dating. If the timing isn’t right, it’s not going to work. Period.

Last summer I dated a guy who had gotten out of a two-year relationship four months before we met. I knew he wasn’t looking for anything serious, and neither was I, so I didn’t think the timing would be an issue. It was. About a month in, just when I was really beginning to like this guy, he realized he wasn’t ready to have another girlfriend.

Unfortunately, this was not enough to teach me my lesson about not dating people who have just gotten out of a relationship. Earlier this year, I met a great guy who, unfortunately for me, had been out of his four-year relationship (that ended in a broken engagement) less than a year.

Now, this did bother me, and I did worry that this would be an issue. I just thought it would become an issue later on down the road, not seven weeks in and a few days after he adamantly told me how much he had moved on. One coffee date with the ex-fiancee changed all that.

After the dust had settled, I realized that nothing that had happened was my fault or, really, even his. He hadn’t left me for his ex-fiancee, he just realized that he hadn’t had enough time to get over their relationship. So even though our relationship had a lot of potential, it wouldn’t have worked out in the end anyway. If you’re not ready to be in a relationship, there’s nothing you can do to fix that except... give it time.

Much like chemistry, timing is one of those things that’s completely out of your control. It’s either right or it isn’t, and there’s nothing you can do about it. That’s the rotten, sickening, maddening part about it.

Right now, I’m left to wait and see if, one day, the time will be right between the ex and I. We’ve discussed the possibility of trying things again, someday down the road. In the meantime, I’m going to just try and not worry about what might or might not happen, since I can’t predict the future.

And the next time I meet someone I like, the first question I ask will be “When was your last serious relationship?” If the answer is less than a year, I’m outta there.